Not trying to victimize myself but, from now and then I found a lot dissatisfaction is expressed in the form of shouting. If you can smile after being shouted at. I will call you "Good EQ" person while some will call you "Think skin". Nevertheless, it is important to realize that, the smile is an effort to save the situation. No matter what kinds of arguments. That laugh is a remedy. It is a sign for peace. It requires energy and effort. It takes the brain to suppress the self-ego, then pass a signal to let go and supply the energy to squeeze a wrinkled smiley face.
Shouting is bad in any case. It makes people feel inadequate. Our animal ancestors used roaring to protest dominance over another. It challenge that other animals' existence. But do we have to do that to our close one? When living creatures face being shout at, they only have 2 ways out: Fight back or Escape.
Leave some room for your love ones. In Hong Kong we have miserable tiny spaces. Whether it is at our own living place or at the MTR train. We are forced to interact with strangers constantly. Our private places are as if being invaded every second. Luckily we feel comfortable when we stick with our loves ones. But the cracks appear if you roar at home where, your partner has no where to go. The four walls echo the thundering voice. He left with a shameful feeling. No one can stand still and smile to you when they are being shouted at. That is why it is so bad to shout at your partner.
When two person decided to get together, it means they are willing to give up their individuality (as least part of it if not all). Two persons surpass the stranger stages. Thus the relationship develop further. But it is the close ones who can hurt the most easily. When you shout at your partner, he or she has no where to go. For people who don't want to fight back, the only way for them to preserve dignity is to ESCAPE. Escape the living room. Escape wherever the two persons are staying together. Temporarily terminate the ties of sticking together. Stop the hostility. Escape is not the best approach for sure. It is pessimistic in the sense that it somehow suggests the relationship is walking backwards.
When people asked me do you feel happy getting marry? I recall those mixed feeling and frowned faces that old couples would give."He is blah...blah...blah..." (Frowning) (Looking at each other) And then they will say " "BUT WE STILL LOVE EACH OTHER! " They is the key. It all because of LOVE . We are willing to tolerate each other. We are willing to swallow of self-ego. Because the love override the negative feeling. It reminds us to forgive and close one eyes. But we have to remember not to take other's tolerance for granted! The degree of happiness does not calculate based on one day or one week. It is as a whole an impression. Where does that impression comes from? It is like playing Whac-a-mole! The impression of happiness stems from a team-working spirit. Why we call it partner because both of you cooperate to tackle life problems. As if the popping up whac-a-mole. Will you shout at your partner's ear and tell him to hit it? Or you will hold the hammer and hit them together?
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